I picked up a book earlier and nearly made it into the lounge to do some reading, when on a complete whim and mostly because the sun was out, I dragged my lumbering body outside and pruned our two biggest trees. By pruned of course, I mean heavily chopped back. And by heavily chopped back I mean massacred. They do look a lot better though – hopefully I got them before they expended too much energy waiting for spring and they’ll survive. I suspect they will since the huge tree at the bottom of the garden was ‘removed’ and it still manages to grow back each year. Grabbed some photo’s of the trees, the pile of wood we now have to get rid of and our troll, who’s settled into the garden nicely. Click for full size pictures.
Kung Fu Panda
A lowly noodle chef dreams of being a mighty Kung Fu champion, turns up during the selection of the Dragon Warrior and ends up joining the Five Kung Fu heroes he has idolised for his entire life. It’s a common enough story (down and out turns good and saves the world) and it needs a strong cast and some solid writing to really give it any life these days. Kung Fu Panda comes close to nailing it but falls short at the final bout. Everything is flawless, the animation, the voice acting, the humour is excellent, the story is interesting enough.
But there’s something missing. Some heart, some soul and a huge act from the second half. Where is the scene with Panda and the Five taking on the enemy together? Where is the scene of them training together and finally coming to accept each other? Where is the team work? Instead we are left with the Five setting out on their own to defeat the enemy and Panda training in their absence, becoming the Dragon Warrior while they are away.
It feels like something was left out. Which is a true shame. I really enjoyed watching it, I laughed, and it was suitably touching, but it was too short, and subsequently too hollow to be a classic.
The Mutant Chronicles
Mutant Chronicles has Ron Perlman in it, so it has to be good right? Actually it’s got Thomas Jane, Sean Pertwee, John Malkovich and Steve Toussaint, as well as Ron Perlman. All I knew before renting this on DVD was that I’d seen one trailer which looked half decent, it has Ron Perlman in it and it’s called Mutant Chronicles, it was enough for me! The film tells the story of a future earth, where four corporations who run the place war constantly for possession of the remaining resources. It’s got a steampunk edge, and the start shows us the ongoing war, heavy on the World War I trench warfare imagery. We get a brief introduction to a few characters and a voice over from Ron. Eons ago a machine was sent to earth, with the sole purpose of subverting humans and turning them into killer mutants. Inevitably, the war breaks the seal behind which the machine was locked by an order of priests (Ron being the head guy now), and all hell breaks loose in an already hell-ravaged world. The corporations evacuate to Mars and Ron is left looking for a bunch of soldiers to help him shut down the machine and save those people left behind. He finally puts his band of heroes together, from all corners of the world, and they head out to save what’s left of earth.
Visually the movie is great, it looks to me like it’s shot using the same technology as Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, but the shots are put together better and the technology isn’t so apparent. The steampunk look and feel works really well and the opening moments in the trenches are suitably depressing and set the scene well. The story arc is predictable, but the actors manage to keep us interested and there are a few interesting moments in the dialog. The action scenes are ok, although some of the actors look a little uncomfortable it has to be said. Anna Walton looked both great and terrible in equal measure which is a real shame, since her character had a chance at having the most depth. Overall the writing doesn’t give any of the characters much depth, and it certainly betrays the roleplaying game background material. Despite that, the movie was entertaining enough, and managed to avoid being entirely cheesy.
What I think really let it down overall was the pacing and editing. The introduction was just too long and didn’t offer any character depth, the middle section in which the band of heroes is put together and descend into the catacombs is just too short, some of the heroes die within the first moments of setting out, with barely a line of dialog. The end is ok, but feels bloated compared to the introduction. There are odd threads which feel like they’re part of a greater movie but don’t really fit in. Near the end we see Jane ‘saving’ Pertwee’s character, who is taken captive at the start of the film. But where has he been? The section where he saves him is either wasted space, or an excuse to keep Jane alive during an encounter which sees many of the heroes die. Pertwee brings his character to life more than anyone else in the movie and it was a shame to see him used to little throughout.
Generally Mutant Chronicles is ok, but could have been much better. I wonder if the best movie is on the cutting room floor or still on the storyboards, and maybe a more confident director would have delivered a more cohesive action adventure.
UK rehearsal of Zombie attacks?
Related to this post, the UK emergency services are rehearsing “response to a co-ordinated terrorist attack”, well, that’s what they’d like you to think.
But really, they’re probably testing out Zombie infestation response tactics.
More info here (censored by the Government, so you’ll need to read between the lines).
Burn After Reading
Burn After Reading is witty, well paced black comedy with some very surprising ‘oh my god’ moments and although the ending feels rushed it doesn’t detract too badly from the superb performances throughout.
Kung Fu Panda
Although Kung Fu Panda is funny, entertaining and has a lot of heart it falls short of being a real classic, thanks in part to what felt like a missing act in the second half.
Death Race
A solid and thoroughly watchable action movie with the smallest of surprises and the greatest of loud engine revving noises.
The Mutant Chronicles
A silly and flawed movie which still manages to be reasonably entertaining, Mutant Chronicles could do with being shorter at the start, fatter in the middle and leaner at the end.
The Zombies are Coming
I started writing a blog post a month or so ago entitled “The Zombies are Coming” (hey! like this one!) in a faux-serious style, explaining that all the signs indicated an imminent zombie invasion and we should prepare. I was going to link to a load of internet sites discussing zombies and zombie attacks and suggest they were likewise serious and could offer information on how to survive the inevitable invasion.
However, I wasn’t up to the task of making it funny so it got canned. But I was thinking about it again today, and musing to myself that if emerging and enduring themes in roleplaying games, movies, gaming miniatures, board games, card games, computer games and entertainment in general are any indication of future events (which clearly they’re not) – then a zombie infestation really can’t be that far away.
Survival Horror really has gripped us tightly in the last few years, with a slew of games, movies and other entertainment media. Clearly we’re not looking at a new phenomenon, zombie movies have been around nearly as long as movies themselves, but the reason it struck me lately is mainly the number of 28mm miniatures dedicated to zombie games (both zombies and zombie hunters / survivors). Here’s a selection (sometimes it’s not clear if the online store is selling their own models, or someone elses, but I’ll try and be clear).
- Hasslefree Zombies and Hunters/Survivors (they’re mixed in there)
- Matt Lord (via Hasslefree White Metal)
- Cold War
- Crocodile Games
- Copplestone
- Eureka Mini’s
- RAFM
- Zombiesmith
- Flying Frog
- KingZombie
- Reaper
- Twilight Creations
- Elhiem (only 20mm, but still)
- Studio Miniatures
- Musketeer
- Comfy Chair Games
- Miss Miniatures
- Blue Moon
- Recreational Conflict
- Mega Miniatures (eBay store)
- West Wind
- Victory Force
- Alpha Forge
and on, and on and on.
Face it folks, the zombies are coming, you better be (next link not safe for work and very gory) prepared.
Pineapple Express
A turgid start full of cliche and obvious jokes slowly transforms into a much more entertaining second half of this comedy action flick, leaving you wondering what went wrong in the early stages.