Another post to the GemmellFantasy mailing list in response to an Amazon feature by Stan Nicholls (here).

As I said earlier, I’ve been wondering about this [you’ll have to go and read the article for this post to make any sense, and even then it probably won’t], in the context of belief and religion. I hadn’t thought about it in the context of the decline of sci-fi.

But then I hadn’t thought about it in the context of an increasingly technical and ‘man made’ world either.

I think reading is a form of escapism, in the same way that music can be, or film, or dance, or anything you do which takes your mind from the real world for a moment. Good books are those that engross us so much we don’t notice the world, and bad books are those that keep jolting us back or never take us away[1].

I think we read fiction to either put ourselves in the story, to do in our mind the things we’ve dreamed of, or to at least watch someone else act out roles that intrigue us. Among other reasons probably.

The question then is, what genre? Crime? Thriller? Horror? Sci-Fi? Fantasy? Multi-genre? What draws us to read the genre we read most?

I read Fantasy just about to the exclusion of everything else. Oh I’ve read bits of other genre’s, the odd sci-fi book, some crime stuff, a bit here and there, but I stick to Fantasy mainly. And I have to wonder why.

For me, it’s perhaps logical. I was a roleplayer before I was a great reader. I fantasized about magic and myths and heroes. Did that lead to my selection of the Fantasy genre? Or was I led to roleplaying and mythology for the same reasons that I now read Fantasy books?

I’m not religious. I really don’t believe in any gods. I think I’m a sceptical realist. I talked long and hard in my younger days with a good friend, and we put the world to rights, formed our own opinions about life and how it works, and formed our theological beliefs, or lack of them. I concluded a long time ago that we (the human race) don’t really deviate from the normal animal requirements, I don’t need a ‘creator’ to explain my existence. I think evolution does a good enough job.

But I wonder if I’m missing something?

Is my lack of belief in the sources of religion the thing that drives me to seek other worlds or realities, or is it just something else I do.

Not sure.

I’ve said a couple of times that for me, David Gemmell’s books evoke a sense of old-world storytelling. The kind of storytelling that took place around a fire, outside of a cave, with the youngsters close by, and the ‘teller of the village relating the history of their small world through story and myth. Instilling confidence and morals into their young, through the use of story. Passing down knowledge in the form of legend, myth and exciting adventure.

David’s books evoke that imagery for me; I can imagine three thousand years ago, a group of people relating the story of how a Legend stood and defended the walls of their Broch against the invading Picts. I know how they felt. Energised, complete, confident, sure of their place in the world, because the story gave their life meaning.

I want the world to be a place where good wins, where evil and spite and fear are locked away for good[2].

Do I read Fantasy because it gives me that? Or do I feel that because I’ve read so much fantasy?

And the world is so hi-tech. My life is hi-tech. I’m a frustrated gadget freak[3]. My job revolves around computers, my hobbies generally revolve around computers, I met my wife as a result of computers. Am I lacking a closeness with nature? Am I missing out on the things that we always had in the past? Is there within me some urge to fight and defend and stand in the way of wrong[4]?

Do I read Fantasy because it returns me to how I think the world once was – dangerous, a place where you had to be strong to survive.?

Do I avoid sci-fi because my life is already science fiction? When I was a kid, sci-fi meant wrist phones and video phones. You can buy them both now. I can talk to anyone, anywhere in the world for free. And I can see them when I do it. In real time.

Flash Gordon never had it so good.

What do I need sci-fi for? There’s no-where to look to, everything they said would happen, has or is happening. I just _expect_ the colonisation of Mars. I just _expect_ holidays in space. I just _expect_ there to be life on other planets. What else can sci-fi tell me now? That there isn’t? That it won’t happen? Other dimensions and realities are the food of sci-fi now, and is that not fantasy with guns?

I have read some sci-fi in the past few years, one book in particular was interesting, Permutation City by Greg Egan. Good book, interesting slant on virtual reality. But was it really sci-fi? Half of it is already possible, and the rest? More like fantasy if you ask me.

Sci-fi doesn’t _give_ me anything any more. Even I can imagine the next 20 years. I’m sure I’ll be wrong, but I can already envision it.

But every Fantasy book is a trip into a world that never did and never will exist. Fantasy truly is speculative fiction isn’t it? In the way sci-fi used to be, before it became reality?

When they re-discover magic and elves, perhaps Fantasy will lose it’s edge and I’ll have to turn to Horror to fill the gap.

Whatever that gap is – which we still haven’t worked out.

Religion gives some people hope. I look around and I think it would be nice to have hope, to see a better future for us. And then I interact with people on and off the ‘net, and see spite, greed, ignorance, fear, hate, and wonder if there is a reason to hope at all.

And then I read, and discover there is perhaps hope. That spite can be quashed. That greed doesn’t always win. That the ignorant can be taught. That fear can be beaten. That hate can be turned and driven away.

Fantasy fills me with hope, wonder, excitement, courage. It’s not the only thing in my life that does so. Grete does. Sometimes my friends do. Occasionally movies do.

But surely Hope is the bread and butter of any Fantasy work? Hope in the face of imminent defeat? Hope in the face of hate. Hope in the face of fear.

Stan suggests that Fantasy was always a little more cynical than sci-fi, I won’t argue with him, and I’m certainly often a cynical person, which is probably another reason why it appeals. But I read Legend and Hero in the Shadows and I feel that perhaps there is a chance. I read Tigana and I think that anything can be overcome if only we try hard enough.

I guess other people find that hope in the Koran, or the Bible, or the teachings of Buddha, or in the wonder of music, or the beauty of physics, or in the lines of a painting.

I’m left to discover it in the shelves of a thousand fantasy books, but I won’t complain.

[1] People may remember that I don’t usually define good or bad books, I think all books have value, so this definition is one possible definition of what a good book or bad book is _to_me_.
[2] Within reason, you should always fear falling 10,000 feet, it is rarely good for you.
[3] Frustrated because I’m also skint 😉
[4] Is this why I do Live Action Roleplaying?

Well, we did the deed. We visited our house in Stockton, and picked up the mail. Boy was there a lot, very little of it ours though.

Appears like our letting agency screwed up – the gas and electric are still connected 🙁 [although we believe the gas has been cut off for non-payment]. Strong words with them tomorrow. I turned the water off at the mains, which should help. And we had a very rewarding chat with the lady next door, including an exchange of phone numbers, which was very nice.

We’re very proud of ourselves, which is a bit silly perhaps considering the small step we’ve taken on what could be a long road, but at least we’re up and walking now and not just lying down.

Tomorrow involves contacting lots of debt management agencies and banks and telling them a whole host of people we’ve never heard of do not live in our property.

And then it’s onwards to doing whatever we need to, in order to sell it.

So, we’re going to keep out little guilty pleasure at what we’ve achieved, and feel good for the start of a new year. We will make things better this year.

To Do list for the coming week,

• Change phones over to pay-as-you-go
• Sort out letting agency
• See about part exchanging our house
• Other stuff!

[originally an e-mail to the GemmellFantasy list – I really should stop using them as a shoulder]

Yes, yes, if I annoy you, time to press the delete button. [Which is what that reference is about]

Some people are challenged by the success of others (‘ha! I can do that. ha! I can do better than that’). Others are daunted by it (‘oh my! I’ll never be that good’).

Does this have something to do with how competitive we are? Why are people more or less competitive? Are you more competitive if you grew up as part of a large family or with siblings of a similar age? Are you less competitive as an only child, or with much older/younger siblings?

Is competitiveness something you learn or something you inherit? [I know, I know, too much in that one question].

But competitiveness isn’t the only bit. Take writing. You could look at all the excellent books and take it as a challenge, and give it a go yourself. You could just love writing and be unaffected by the books around you. You could look at all the excellent work and think, jeeze, I’ll never be that good, so why should I even try. i.e. some people don’t feel the need to compete, while others do, but decide they will fail in advance [self-fulfilment?]

You might have spotted a theme here, with a previous rambling about writing or not writing. I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided that there are a number of reasons why people might not pick up the pen an give it a go, and a number of reasons why I don’t or haven’t.

Am I looking at it too hard? Should I just accept that since I haven’t tried, it must be something I don’t want to try, or should I wonder about why I haven’t yet tried, and ignoring that, just get on with giving it a go?

I’d like to ask anyone still reading, who has written anything of a reasonable length, did you sit down and try writing, or did you have the spark of an idea and end up writing it out? Did you sit and idly speculate on what you would write about?

I’ve tried that – it feels false. I was lying last night in bed, awake, wondering what I could write about if I started writing. Thinking up scenarios and then dumping them, sometimes comparing them to already written works, sometimes because they felt contrived or false. Is the falseness a result of the method, does good writing only come from a spark of inspiration?

Is it actually possible to sit and think about an idea for a book and then just sit down and get on with it – oh it might be terrible, I’m sure the first few times it will be – but is it possible?

I’m not sure. I’ve certainly been thinking about it. I’ve also had to weigh in other factors, like being scared of success, and being comfortable in failure, which always play a part in stuff.

When I rambled last, I said seize the now, but I’m wondering, can you sit and contemplate stuff and then seize the result, or do you really have to wait for a spark to ignite before you can grab it with both hands?

jeeeeeeeeeeeez it’s cold

… and I think I’ll take the digital camera, some photo’s of the outside of the house might help if we can find some on-line house selling places.

Sort of a problem – we’ve got the house signed up with estate agents, which means we have to forward any potential buyers on to them for them to handle things.

I think when we visit the house I’ll turn the water off at the mains and then run the tank dry. I wish I could empty the central heating system as well, but a check on the web suggests that is more complicated and probably not something I can do quickly.

Should reduce the number of leaks we could get, and at least if we do get a leak, it’ll only have a finite amount of water to dump into the house, after which it should run dry.

I wish I’d thought of this two months ago – but two months ago I wasn’t thinking about anything.

Well, either today or tomorrow I’m going to have the face reality. I do own a house. It is mine. I do need to take care of it.

It’s probably already got frozen pipes. I just hope they haven’t burst, don’t burst, won’t burst. Are pipes covered by buildings insurance? What about the walls and the like? I’m not bothered about the decoration, we’re selling after all, but would be nice to know I can get the walls fixed.

I bet they don’t pay out if you’re not in residence [sigh]

That’s the biggest problem – worrying about everything in advance, fearing the worst, the stress building to the point where, some people, like me, react by hiding from it rather than facing it. I know other people face up to these things, get them sorted, soldier on, but some can’t. Some folk, like me, just end up putting these issues aside to sort out later, and then the worry and the stress mounts.

[deep sigh]

I usually land on my feet, life has been like that for a long time, I’m spoiled by it I guess, but this time, I just feel like I’m falling, and my feet are pointing skyward ……..

I’m increasingly pleased with Gemmell Mania and the interest being generated by it.

I must get some new quizzes done.

… and of course the really annoying thing is that even by just writing that last entry, I feel more positive. I wish I talked these things out with Grete more. I wish I talked more generally.

What I don’t understand is how I can have buried my head in the sand for so long over the house. What the hell was I thinking? Is it really any surprise that I’m feeling so stressed now over the whole thing?

I have this image of a snow plough, built with a large flat plate on the front, happily driving forwards through the snow, not caring that it’s all just building up in front of the plough and not actually being moved aside. Eventually, it’s going to be an issue.

We’re struggling with money, we’re both suffering one form of depression or another, we just need to get it sorted.

I know I have to go to the house tomorrow, to collect the mail, but I also know that it’s going to lead to spending more money, where from? Where am I going to get that money? Why didn’t I sort this out earlier, when it might not have been so bad. I know that doesn’t help, what if’s don’t help especially when they are negative.

Just concentrate on moving forwards, sort out whatever bits can be sorted out, don’t worry about anything else because there’s nothing I can do other than try my best.

Easy to say, not easy to do.

I know I can do it, I used to do it all the time, just do what needed to be done, just get sorted what needed to be sorted. But I’ve always been lazy, letting other people sort stuff for me, houses at Uni and again afterwards. Even arranging my own mortgage was almost surreal.

Time to forget that, time to just sort things out. Whatever it takes.