The Mutant Chronicles

Mutant Chronicles has Ron Perlman in it, so it has to be good right?  Actually it’s got Thomas Jane, Sean Pertwee, John Malkovich and Steve Toussaint, as well as Ron Perlman.  All I knew before renting this on DVD was that I’d seen one trailer which looked half decent, it has Ron Perlman in it and it’s called Mutant Chronicles, it was enough for me!  The film tells the story of a future earth, where four corporations who run the place war constantly for possession of the remaining resources.  It’s got a steampunk edge, and the start shows us the ongoing war, heavy on the World War I trench warfare imagery.  We get a brief introduction to a few characters and a voice over from Ron.  Eons ago a machine was sent to earth, with the sole purpose of subverting humans and turning them into killer mutants.  Inevitably, the war breaks the seal behind which the machine was locked by an order of priests (Ron being the head guy now), and all hell breaks loose in an already hell-ravaged world.  The corporations evacuate to Mars and Ron is left looking for a bunch of soldiers to help him shut down the machine and save those people left behind.  He finally puts his band of heroes together, from all corners of the world, and they head out to save what’s left of earth.

Visually the movie is great, it looks to me like it’s shot using the same technology as Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, but the shots are put together better and the technology isn’t so apparent.  The steampunk look and feel works really well and the opening moments in the trenches are suitably depressing and set the scene well.  The story arc is predictable, but the actors manage to keep us interested and there are a few interesting moments in the dialog.  The action scenes are ok, although some of the actors look a little uncomfortable it has to be said.  Anna Walton looked both great and terrible in equal measure which is a real shame, since her character had a chance at having the most depth.  Overall the writing doesn’t give any of the characters much depth, and it certainly betrays the roleplaying game background material.  Despite that, the movie was entertaining enough, and managed to avoid being entirely cheesy.

What I think really let it down overall was the pacing and editing.  The introduction was just too long and didn’t offer any character depth, the middle section in which the band of heroes is put together and descend into the catacombs is just too short, some of the heroes die within the first moments of setting out, with barely a line of dialog.  The end is ok, but feels bloated compared to the introduction.  There are odd threads which feel like they’re part of a greater movie but don’t really fit in.  Near the end we see Jane ‘saving’ Pertwee’s character, who is taken captive at the start of the film.  But where has he been?  The section where he saves him is either wasted space, or an excuse to keep Jane alive during an encounter which sees many of the heroes die.  Pertwee brings his character to life more than anyone else in the movie and it was a shame to see him used to little throughout.

Generally Mutant Chronicles is ok, but could have been much better.  I wonder if the best movie is on the cutting room floor or still on the storyboards, and maybe a more confident director would have delivered a more cohesive action adventure.

The Zombies are Coming

I started writing a blog post a month or so ago entitled “The Zombies are Coming” (hey! like this one!) in a faux-serious style, explaining that all the signs indicated an imminent zombie invasion and we should prepare.  I was going to link to a load of internet sites discussing zombies and zombie attacks and suggest they were likewise serious and could offer information on how to survive the inevitable invasion.

However, I wasn’t up to the task of making it funny so it got canned.  But I was thinking about it again today, and musing to myself that if emerging and enduring themes in roleplaying games, movies, gaming miniatures, board games, card games, computer games and entertainment in general are any indication of future events (which clearly they’re not) – then a zombie infestation really can’t be that far away.

Survival Horror really has gripped us tightly in the last few years, with a slew of games, movies and other entertainment media.  Clearly we’re not looking at a new phenomenon, zombie movies have been around nearly as long as movies themselves, but the reason it struck me lately is mainly the number of 28mm miniatures dedicated to zombie games (both zombies and zombie hunters / survivors).  Here’s a selection (sometimes it’s not clear if the online store is selling their own models, or someone elses, but I’ll try and be clear).

and on, and on and on.

Face it folks, the zombies are coming, you better be (next link not safe for work and very gory) prepared.

Movie Night!

We rented four more movies this evening, Kung Fu Panda (Blu-Ray), Mutant Chronicles (DVD), Rocknrolla (Blu-Ray) and Wall-E (DVD).  Spur of the moment decision to head out and get some movies from Blockbuster, otherwise I was at risk of moping around all night and doing nothing.  We’ve watched Mutant Chronicles and Kung Fu Panda, and we’ll probably watch the other two over the weekend sometime.  I’ll post individual reviews of the movies (despite the fact that they’ve been out ages so no one cares).  I felt Kung Fu Panda was lacking another act in the second half, and Grete feels the same.   We could really have done with Panda and the other Five teaming up and either doing some training or some fighting, at least working together and building some kind of friendship, it felt a bit hollow without that.  Mutant Chronicles is silly fun.

WordPress Plugins

Wrote my first WordPress plugin today (for www.bookthing.co.uk), it’s a pretty simple plugin architecture especially if you’re not trying to do anything too clever.  I just wanted a shortcode (some text you put into a post which is expanded by a plugin) to read some values from some custom fields and include them in the article footer.  It saves having to paste lots of formatting HTML into each post and lets you just suck content from the custom fields.

I was surprised I couldn’t find a simple ‘template’ style plugin on the WordPress site, maybe I was just using the wrong search terms.  It’s the kind of thing that would be very useful for building common information boxes for reviews, etc.  Anyway, I hacked together a 59 line php file, of which around 1/3rd is info and license to read two custom fields and whack them into a div.

Took about 9000% less time than I expected.